How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

I've lost my friends.

When my husband's affair came to light, a friend, a girl I used to live with, a girl whom i would have done anything in this world for 2 years ago - reached out to him.  I say two years ago because it has taken that long for our friendship to dwindle.  She decided all those months ago that because I am a blogger, I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time with my child.  She told me I was a bad mother.  And then went about cutting me out of her life, little by little.  I let her do it.  I didn't need a friend like that.  And yet, we remained civil - there is a lot of history there - and we share a mutual best girlfriend.

So I knew that she had had an affair herself in the recent past.  I did not speak of it.  I did not acknowledge it.  She thought our small county didn't know.  And then she reached out to my husband, instead of ME.  She gave HIM support, not ME.  To me, that brke the code of girlfriends.  She is NOT my friend.  So I wrote hateful responses to her.  I exposed her indistretions to my close family.  She became bosom buddies, yes, really, with my husband's mistress.  They loved talking about me on Facebook.  Stabbing, poking, laughing.  Two little cheaters, all up in each others business.

I found out who this friend cheated with. I wish I had told the world.  I do.  But I didn't.  It kind of matters around here, in this town.  She's in the "cool crowd" - those with apparant money, though I know she's struggling as much as we are moneywise.  And her lover? Married to white trash - his wife at the time of their affair was in prison.  As you can guess - this wouldn't look good on her record.

But I didn't have to out her.  She and her husband managed to do that all their own.  After a night of partying, though she openly despises her husband - this friend got into a fist fight, knock down, drag out with her drunk husband. Black eyes. Choking. Kicking.  In front of their 5 year old.  He, like an idiot, called the police when she left the house.  he has a very public, very respectable job.  And he called the police to tell on his wife.  What he didn't expect was to be arrested himself for domestic violence at the same time as she.

Everyone knows.

Everyone.

This has nothing to do with me.  But, this friend has been so upset by me, that she cannot stop talking about me.  Especially to our mutual best friend.  It's now forced that friend - my only true friend - out of my life.  She cannot visit me for fear of showing support.  She feels like she is betraying one friend if she talks with the other.  And so now, she is wondering why I reach out to others.  Why I look for any kind of acceptance, wherever I can find it.  Be it Facebook. Or Twitter.  Or reconnecting with old friends I let slip away so many years ago.

I have no one.

My husband, though trying to make things right, still isn't the best friend I once knew.
My best girlfriend can't be my friend.
My high school not-boyfriend-boyfriend-jackass just wants to fuck me.

Who am I supposed to befriend?
Am I that difficult to be around?  Am I that far gone?

Maybe I am.